So I haven't made myself throw up in 5 months, and before that it was like once every three I would cave. I'm serious about stopping that I rarely ever even consider it. I feel like it will always be a struggle for me, something I'll have to live with, but quite honestly I feel like that's the easy way out. I can do better than that.
So in the process of recovering and trying to be a normal healthy weight I reached a highest weight ever of 140 pounds which I have never been in my life. I don't want to post pics but to give you some idea I'm still toned I just have more flab on me - a stomach pooch (ahh disgusting!) bigger arms even though they aren't flabby, and what I think is a nauseating amount of cellulite on my thighs. Gross! I think I'm about 137 pounds now, 5'7". My first goal is 130, second 125, third 120 and fourth 115. I am getting back into running - I'm definitely in much better shape now. Last year I got sooo out of shape, I had some injuries and other stuff. I'm back to four miles as my typical run and I'm following a half marathon training schedule.
I decided to come back to xanga because it's time for me to get serious about losing weight (not that I wasn't serious before I just had to focus on getting rid of the bulemia for good- which while i don't think I will ever be fully recovered, I believe is something I am putting behind me now. I mean at least now I can talk about it - I was in denial for so long! and I told a friend from home. NO ONE KNEW EVER and I actually told someone! I was so relieved! And she handled it so well I was so grateful!
So anyway that's why I am back. I feel like if I post how I'm feeling and what I eat I'll feel more accountable for it and I won't be able to pretend I didn't have that extra piece of chocolate:)
so TODAY:
IN:
B~ bowl special k (+125)
soy milk vanilla light (+50)
L~1/2 cup creamy tomato soup (+80)
salad w. almonds, craisins, corn, peas, chickpeas, some cheddar cheese, egg white, lite italian (?? +300)
***2 small bites chocolate cookie (+50)
D~ special k protein bar(+180)
banana (+60)
AHH little chocolate binge!! about +400
3 rice cakes (+135)
total 1380
OUT:
Elliptical 60 minutes (-643)
TOTAL
737/1000
Ok today I guess except for the chocolate and I need some more veggies and variety. I need to try to stick with veggies, protein, fruit, and a little bit of whole wheat.
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